Revelations

Mr. M and I had an argument last week. This is not a frequent occurence so when we do have an argument it is usually regarding something fairly serious. This time was no different. This was a disagreement regarding priorities, something that plagues every couple.

We have been trying to have a baby for two years now and are getting a little help this month. I assumed this would mean the priority for us this month would be making a baby...not so for Mr. M. His boss was in town on a very important night so rather than coming home after work and dealing with the task at hand, he decided to stay out until 11:30pm (long past my bedtime). I was devastated.

How could he possibly, after everything I've been through up until this point, stay out until 11:30. Tonight of all nights. He must not want a baby, he's backing out but is afraid to tell me. He is the most selfish and insensitive person, completely throwing away one month of my suffering due to the medication I'm on.

Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep that night. The next morning I couldn't shake this deep feeling of impotence and hoplessness. I was in my office all morning wondering what to do. All of the sudden, it came to me.

Nothing.

I couldn't do a thing because as much as I need to be pregnant this month he feels the same burning need to keep his job. Not that he would lose his job because he didn't go out for dinner with his boss, but this is the way he operates. I think he is being completely irrational for giving up this opportunity, but then it occured to me that he probably thinks I'm being completely irrational for expecting him to give up the opportunity to have dinner with his boss.

And I get it. My primal need to have his babies is no different from his primal need to feed, shelter and clothe his family.

So I called him to say good morning.

Revelations.

Can't wait for camping!

I know, it's still a couple of months before the sane people go camping, but we only have a month to go before we're off to the mountains. I've been thinking about it a lot this week; I consider myself very lucky that I get a little vacation almost every weekend for eight months of the year.

While it is expensive to go camping, we pretty much have it down to a science. We pack the coolers from the groceries we have in the house rather than going out and buying everything you need for the weekend. That took a couple of years to figure out. Now it's pack the Toaster, hit the liquor store on the way out of town and 45 minutes later we are sitting next to the fire, beer in hand.

Let the countdown begin...

The Perfect Sunday

Handmade Valentines

Rediscovering last year's Christmas present












Ms. O and I had a pretty good day. Mr. M was off on a work related ski trip (rough life, eh?) so we had the weekend to ourselves. I have to admit, my mom had Ms. O Friday night so my evening consisted of sushi, Corona and a movie ordered on PPV. Do I feel guilty?

No.

I love that I'm not married to a salesman. I get countless Friday and Saturday nights all to myself; accountable to no one.

I digress. Ms. O and I had a nice trip to Michael's this morning, followed by approximately 5 hours of Valentine production and followed up with "snack night" which consisted of a pathetic attempt at veggies and dip for dinner with cupcakes for dessert. I say pathetic because I'm certain that the cumulative weight of veggies vs. cupcake was not sufficient were I answering to a higher power (the authors of "what to expect", for instance).

M.

P.S. Flames vs. Montreal tomorrow night; I may be be single in 24 hours. If you're on my side you're cheering for the Flames.

P.P.S. We're actually going to the game tomorrow, no updates for at least 48 hours since I have to somehow drag myself out to the field for work on Tuesday.

Infertility...

Yes, I have secondary infertility. Mr. M and I have been trying to have a baby for two years this month. As Mr. M is significantly older than me, our window is very small. Not biologically, purely because he doesn't want to be 65 and running his kids to hockey practice.

A year ago we went to see our family doctor because we hadn't had any results. Logically we assumed Mr. M was the problem because I had already had one child without his involvement. He was fine, it turns out, and I am not. Without getting into the gory details, it has been discovered that I have blocked fallopian tubes. That's still a little gory. One has been opened via a diagnostic procedure (a nice little side effect) so as a hail mary play while we wait for IVF, I begin Cl.omid this month.

I may be crazy to say this out loud, but I think in approximately 5 weeks, you will see a picture of a positive pregnancy test on this blog. I am willing it to happen.

Ode to a Floor

You were worth the wait. One year ago, in a fit of glee over our new home, we ripped off your carpet cover to reveal a vast expanse of plywood.

For one year we walked on you with only slippers or shoes, avoiding splinters and snagged nylons. We vacuumed you with a shop vac (I wouldn’t dare use my precious Filter Queen on mere plywood!). We cursed you over and over; your splintered remains holding tight to all dust and dog hair, refusing to let go.

But now, after one full month of labour - a beautiful, wide planked, walnut coloured floor was born.

I can’t wait to clean you.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that I will never be sorry. I encounter people every day with nothing but complaints and I constantly marvel at how they thrive on discontent. I'm not going to fall in to that spiral and I am now making myself accountable to anyone that stumbles across this humble little blog. Welcome!