Revelations

Mr. M and I had an argument last week. This is not a frequent occurence so when we do have an argument it is usually regarding something fairly serious. This time was no different. This was a disagreement regarding priorities, something that plagues every couple.

We have been trying to have a baby for two years now and are getting a little help this month. I assumed this would mean the priority for us this month would be making a baby...not so for Mr. M. His boss was in town on a very important night so rather than coming home after work and dealing with the task at hand, he decided to stay out until 11:30pm (long past my bedtime). I was devastated.

How could he possibly, after everything I've been through up until this point, stay out until 11:30. Tonight of all nights. He must not want a baby, he's backing out but is afraid to tell me. He is the most selfish and insensitive person, completely throwing away one month of my suffering due to the medication I'm on.

Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep that night. The next morning I couldn't shake this deep feeling of impotence and hoplessness. I was in my office all morning wondering what to do. All of the sudden, it came to me.

Nothing.

I couldn't do a thing because as much as I need to be pregnant this month he feels the same burning need to keep his job. Not that he would lose his job because he didn't go out for dinner with his boss, but this is the way he operates. I think he is being completely irrational for giving up this opportunity, but then it occured to me that he probably thinks I'm being completely irrational for expecting him to give up the opportunity to have dinner with his boss.

And I get it. My primal need to have his babies is no different from his primal need to feed, shelter and clothe his family.

So I called him to say good morning.

Revelations.