A subject I've seen more than one IF blogger write a post about is "will I be a better parent because I had to try so hard to become one?". A though provoking subject, one I wanted to ponder myself. Then it struck me. I am a parent. I have a little girl that I didn't have to try for, it just happened. She is a beautiful girl and something I should be eternally grateful for, never wishing for more because perfection was achieved in her.


But I'm not. I have spent the last three years thinking I deserve to be happy when I find out I'm pregnant. I deserve to take my full year of maternity leave next time. I deserve to be in love with the father of my child.


And what does she deserve? She deserves a mom that appreciates her, has more patience with her and spends more time doing the things that she wants to do instead of brushing her off for the things mom would rather do. She deserves to have a mother that will appreciate her as much as her mother plans to appreciate the babies she had to try so hard to get.


I'm not saying I shouldn't have all of the above, but she should too. They shouldn't be mutually exclusive.

I hope when I do get the maternity leave I never had that she will benefit from it as much as her baby brother or sister. I hope that when I'm not working (more than) full time my patience is restored and I don't have to choose between what she wants and what I want because we will have time for both. Maybe my lackluster parenting has been a result of too much stress, too little time and money. I really, really hope so.