We went for our first ultrasound yesterday morning. I have managed to keep the panic to a minimum but I think I had crammed it all in to a little container over the last three weeks. Well, the lid came off yesterday morning. I was sick, shaking and sweating the whole way to the clinic. We were half an hour early but luckily that just got us in earlier. I only had to wait about five minutes before I was called in to the room. Mr. M sat in the chair, I laid down on the table. The ultrasound technologist said she would check my abdomen first and then do an internal. Almost as soon as she put the wand on my stomach she said "I see two little people in there". I asked, nervously laughing, "Do you see two little heartbeats in there?". "Oh, yes" she replied. There were two little people with two perfect heartbeats, 138 and 140.

The colour returned to my face as quickly as it drained from Mr. M's.

We were in the waiting room waiting for our pictures when he started planning. Which room the babies would go in, how quickly he could get our undeveloped basement finished, how much money he would need in the bank account by May, when I plan to stop working. In the van on the way to work, while I made calls to my mom, dad and friends to tell them the news, Mr. M was making calls to get the basement framed.

I spent my day blissfully searching the Internet for bedding sets, double strollers and cradles while he set up appointments at the bank.

I guess after three years of stress, anxiety and depression on my part while in the trenches of infertility and Mr. M stayed innocently unaware of the time, energy and pain I was going through; my payoff is the next 21 years of stress and anxiety Mr. M will be going through while I stay innocently unaware and wrapped up in my two beautiful babies.

I feel happy. I haven't been able to say that for a really long time.