Shocked and Devastated by Insensitivity

I’m not really sure what to do. We went on holidays with a couple we consider to be among our best friends and their baby. At the beginning of the holiday their baby, A, was not feeling well. She seemed to recover after a couple of days but had, of course, gotten used to the coddling she received while she was ill and insisted on the coddling to continue.

As a seasoned veteran, I saw what was happening; A’s parents did not. The entire week was filled with A’s whining and her parents questioning “what’s wrong?” Oh, you want up? Ok. Now you want down? Ok. You don’t want the bottle with the pink lid; you want the bottle with the blue lid? Ok.

I couldn’t say anything, I hate sounding like a know-it-all (although sometimes - ok all the time - I find it hard to keep my mouth shut). None of this is what has been bothering me.

We were having dinner Thursday night at a beautiful seaside restaurant and A was being quiet for the first time in a week. We were then submitted to his constant fretting (yeah, I used the word fretting) because she was being well behaved. He was explaining to Mr. M that it’s so hard with a baby because you never know if there is something wrong or how sick they are if they are sick, etc. at which point he said to Mr. M “You don’t get it, when you have a baby blah, blah, blah”.

When we left the restaurant, I quietly said to Mr. M “You do get it, don’t listen to him”. When we were back in our hotel room and Ms. O was sound asleep in her bed, Mr. M and I sat on the balcony and I explained to him all of the reasons he does get it. In case he needed to be reassured. What I would like to say to A’s father is the following.

“Mr. M has been at this parenting thing for five years, I hardly think you can compare your year and a half of parenting experience to his. While his seed was not the seed that created Ms. O, it does not change the fact that he has made the choice, every single day of the last five years to be her father. He could have and can walk away at any point and have zero obligation toward Ms. O and I. I have seen him hold back tears when she hurts herself, coach her soccer team, cuddle her on the couch after a bad day, obsess over her temperature when she is sick, do her homework with her, agonize over what to do when she is misbehaving, take her on errands with him, spend $200 on a fish tank and fish because her $5 fish died and he couldn’t bear to see her so grief stricken.”

“Mr. M is a better person than I, and I suspect you, because I know I could never feel that way about someone else’s child. I truly believe he loves her as much, if not more, than he would his own flesh and blood. He consciously and subconsciously considers her his first born.”

“I am devastated by your insensitivity because while I would not expect just anyone off the street to realize this, you are one of the people I thought would have. You have seen what we have put Mr. M through over the last five years and you have seen him stay and fight to be a part of our lives every step of the way. You have witnessed the lack of effort and superficiality of her biological father.”

“At this point I will have to ask you to SIT DOWN and respect him for everything he is and strive to be as good a father as Mr. M.”

So I ask, is this something I should bring up or should I let it go now?

P.S. I wrote this last week but hadn't posted. Over the weekend Mr. M and I discussed the situation and decided since we do consider A's father to be one of our best friends we are going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he realized what he said, felt like a complete ass and has been kicking himself since. If it happens again, something will be said.