- Total lack of humility. I have become my father. I am right, you are wrong and my way is the only way.
- Cranky. I have not been in a good mood for what feels like months. I am short with Ms. O, Mr. M, co-workers and strangers.
- Nagging. Yes, there are things that need to be done around the house. Yes, there has been a list on the fridge for two months, on which only two things have been crossed off. Does that mean I need to talk to Mr. M like he's two years old? Probably not.
- Unmotivated. At home, at work, both are suffering because I can't get myself together and get something done.
Now, because that last bullet list was thrilling, let me make a list for change;
- Practice the advice in Desi.derata. That pretty much sums up how I have tried to live for the last five years and what I need to get back to.
- Organize and Schedule. To conquer my lack of motivation I need to stop thinking of most tasks as "optional". Organize it, schedule it and maintain it.
- Stop spending money! Why is this so hard for me? I've spent the last two years trying to recover from a rough patch. I could be so much further ahead if I didn't live as though I'll be gone tomorrow and can't take it with me. I'll venture to guess I will feel a lot better, thus be a better person, if I had some control over my spending and, dare I say it, some money in the bank.
- Let go of my anger. I can't explain why this is the most predominant emotion I feel with respect to my infertility but I can honestly feel my anger. It's this warm bubble somewhere in my chest, there all the time. If I let myself start to think about the "why me" and "it's not fair" the warm bubble starts to boil and spread across my entire torso. I have never let anything affect me the way this anger does. It stops now. I'm going to take this extra time I've been given to prepare for a baby that I now consider inevitable.
So there it is. The list of ways I can improve my home and my status as a human being.
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