I'm in! I start the Suprefact Sept. 2, stims Sept. 16 and retrieval around Sept. 27. I can't get over how fast everything is going to happen. After almost three years suddenly I'm one month away from being pregnant until proven otherwise and 6 weeks away from peeing on a stick. And, yes, of course I'm going to pee on a stick before the beta! After approximately 100 negative pee sticks, not even a single faint line, I am not going to let infertility take that away from me.

Now I have a whole new list of fears. What if I forget to take a dose of Suprefact? What if I screw up an injection? What if I screw up the trigger? What if I don't respond? What if I respond too well? Mr. M is, for once, the optimist. He seems to think we're pretty much pregnant already. Unfortunately I can't burst his bubble with all of the potential for disaster before the eggs are even retrieved. He doesn't even seem to realize there is a possibility the eggs won't fertilize. What if they don't? What do we know, we've never had any proof that we can make a baby together since I'm quite certain whatever it was that blocked up those tubes happened immediately after giving birth to Ms. O. My doctor thought it was constipation causing me the excrutiating pain when she was about three weeks old but me and constipation are very old friends; I know what that feels like and that wasn't it.

On another note, we have decided not to tell anyone aside from a few people. Our respective supervisors are already aware this was imminent now we will be informing them it's go time. We've already told my closest friend and her husband. I would have told them anyway, but they live very close to us so if we need them to watch Ms. O with little notice they will need to know why. (There's something about bringing my 7 year old daughter to the infertility clinic that seems a little offside so we'll be leaving her with friends or family if appointments are outside of school hours)

One person I will not be informing is my mother. She has no concept of how hard this has been on me nor does she understand how hard it will be if this doesn't work. She'll tell everyone, not just family but random friends of hers, cashiers at the grocery store, co-workers at the job she just started this week and so on. I will then have to systematically un-tell everyone if this doesn't work.

On the optimistic side, if this does work, I want to make the big announcement. I want to wait three months and tell everyone at Christmas. I want to be pregnant like a fertile. Infertility has stolen so much from me, I'm not going to let my mom finish the job.